1 Year Ago Today....

One year ago today was the start of a day I will never forget! It started with doubt and disbelief and ended...ended late...with the most amazing, surreal feeling I have ever experienced. It was the day we received our referral call and the first glance of our beautiful Xiu Gang.

The events of the day are etched in my mind...driving the boys to school with my phone in my hand and my list of questions on the passenger seat...phone calls back and forth to Stephanie (who was covering all the rumor boards for me since I couldn't take the anticipation)...going to the gym to run on the treadmill (with my phone)..meeting Cori and Leigh for breakfast because I couldn't go back home to sit and stare at my computer...getting a call from Stephanie while I stood in the parking lot of the restaurant telling me to get home because calls were being made all over the U.S....sitting in my office at home for hours waiting, afraid to move, waiting for that damn phone to ring...and the NOTHINGNESS....no call, no call, no call...the phone ringing and seeing CHI on the I.D....then more waiting, no referral...more nothingness...no answers or response from CHI...the pain of not knowing what was happening or why our phone never rang again...the pain of having to tell all of our friends and family that it wasn't going to happen...we didn't get our referral. Then another phone call...this one from Tina, calling from her home...the strangeness of her first words to me...the questions racing through my mind..."WHY WAS SHE CALLING ME, WHAT WAS SHE TRYING TO SAY?!" I finally just asked, "Did we get our referral today?" Her response, "Yes, oh yes, you have a daughter! She's beautiful." My heart almost stopped. Then we got this.....

Today will be a day of reflection for me...I almost can't control it...my mind is full of thoughts regarding our baby girl. When I look at her referral photos, and her finding ad I get overwhelmed with wanting to know what her life was really like before us. I get so sad that we didn't see and hold her when she was a newborn, a month old, two months old....we weren't there when she got her first few teeth or learned to hold her head up and roll over. I wish I could get a glimpse of her world before we entered it. A photo of her in orphanage, with her nannies, with her "sisters"...anything. I could go on an on....but I won't!

Mostly today, I will feel so grateful that I've been given the gift of this child and that my phone finally did ring!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll feel grateful for what we finally do know about her and all that we have yet to learn!